This is a true letter sent by a guy to his bank! He was real angry. This is such a funny read. Read it now. I would love so see the looks on the banks face when they read this.
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** BANK NAME, EMPLOYEE and PERSONAL NAMES etc have been removed in respect of the privacy of those individuals **
[NAME REMOVED]
11th January 2011
[NAME REMOVED]
REF: [REFERENCE NUMBER REMOVED]
Dear [NAME REMOVED],
First may I take the opportunity to thank you for your letter dated 10th January 2011, your involvement in terms of time is noted but it is however clear from the contents of your letter that you have failed to drill down deep enough into the problem. Secondly may I make it commonly known that throughout all my dealings with [NAME REMOVED] on this matter there are only two particular individuals who deserve any credit, namely [NAME REMOVED] and [NAME REMOVED] both I believe of the [NAME REMOVED] Branch of [NAME REMOVED]. All other individuals from the bank with whom I have dealt with have failed to grasp the problem and provided me with false, misleading and inaccurate information and need to be collected together for immediate training on customer service, bank procedures and how LYING to customers is wrong.
The start of this matter was when [NAME REMOVED] branch was closed due to bad weather but hopefully your internal notes will have recorded that [NAME REMOVED] was the only bank within the town of [NAME REMOVED] to have been closed. Due to the bank being closed I was unable to pay in cash which was to pay the direct debit. I would have thought as a ‘responsible lender’ you would have implemented measures to deal with the fact that your own branch was closed as the [SLOGAN REMOVED] is not very local when closed is it?
Upon paying in the cash I was told everything was covered and payment would be made without any problems. All was indeed well until I received a letter from [NAME REMOVED] demanding £25 for a returned payment. Upon complaining, rang [NAME REMOVED] 9/12/2010 I discovered the payment was not made but bounced by yourselves. What a joke when the problem was in fact caused by your bank being the only bank closed within the town. Your operator, [NAME REMOVED] who I phoned to complain processed the payment for £99.78, apologised, stated the £25 charge was to be refunded, stated that she would ensure there were no credit card late payment charges applied, ensure that there would be no adverse credit rating applied as it was not my fault and confirmed that the next credit card payment would be for £102.76.
I was called at 13:20 9/12/2010 by card services demanding immediate payment of £202.54. Nice touch. I asked if this was about my complaint and the caller then became sheepish ( the [SLOGAN REMOVED] in Wales … or New Zealand I suppose ) and offered apologies. The caller confirmed after checking the details that in fact their screen was not up to date and noted that the payment for £99.78 had been credited and the next direct debit payment was for £102.76.
Next call was received 14:30 9/12/2010. I was actually pleased to receive so many calls in one day as it kind of made me feel special and the nature of the calls were so much more interesting than the usual ‘you have won a holiday in the Bahamas’ recorded message transcripts I receive about 8 times a week… perhaps I really have and I should take a punt instead of passing them off as a scam. Anyway, [NAME REMOVED] from [NAME REMOVED] branch ( apologies as I thought [NAME REMOVED] was from [NAME REMOVED] branch and I did not realise until [NAME REMOVED] corrected me on this point but I guess [NAME REMOVED] could see it as a virtual promotion after all [NAME REMOVED] has a lovely Cathedral ) confirmed the same as [NAME REMOVED] had taken me through. [NAME REMOVED] explained that the bank was closed as only 1 member of staff works locally. I live only a 5 minute walk away and offered that, should the bank face this problem again I would be prepared to accept receipt of the bank keys and kindly open up. I am 100% trustworthy and was once the stationary cupboard monitor in full charge of the stocks of rough workbooks and language verb books.
It is quite clear to me that your staff were all correctly advising me from their computers that the next card payment was to be £102.76. This is even proven from my last complaint to [NAME REMOVED] to which I will come to later in this letter.
I paid in cash before Christmas to ensure that my next payment for £102.76 was covered making every effort to ensure it was in early and covered over the festive period. With this responsibility as a responsible customer met I decided to live life recklessly. Every year is the same old Christmas. Granny [NAME REMOVED] always insists on watching the Queens speech and commandeers the television at least 45 minutes before it even starts to ensure it’s not missed only to fall asleep snoring so loudly that a wood manufacturing plant would be silent by comparison. Grandad [NAME REMOVED] insists on feeding the kids so much chocolate its unexplainable how such small stomachs can hold so much. The chain smoking in-laws offer no respite and there is only so many times my Uncle’s farting rendition of the ‘Frog Chorus’ can be funny ( it did raise a smirk when I was a naïve teenager ). This year we went away and loved every minute of it, everyone only moans when we stay so let them moan while we enjoy ourselves.
Suitably refreshed, upon return, I checked my online banking to find [NAME REMOVED] had tried to stiff me £202 and the payment had been returned. I am normally a placid person and the only way I could release my frustration and anger was to attempt to tear a copy of the [POPULAR TELEPHONE DIRECTORY] in half. Strongman TV programmes made it look so easy but I can assure you I only managed about 20 pages such that I think I may have been misled by the wonders of television and suspect the directory so easily ripped in half onscreen was in fact staged. I then sat in my favourite [PRODUCT NAME REMOVED] chair. I reclined, looked up through the skylight window ( ignoring all the Pigeon faeces on the glass – why do they do always let rip on the glass ) and asked why oh why were we back to square one again?
Here we go again. Another call was placed, this time to [NAME REMOVED] 14:50 5/1/2011 who said that what I was told previously was incorrect ( what by 3 members of staff? ) and that the decision was made to lower the credit limited on the card prior to the missed payment. This lady was in fact a complete liar as in front of me I had a letter dated 8/12/2010 stating that the limit was reduced due to a missed payment. I asked to speak to a manger and spoke to [NAME REMOVED].
Poor [NAME REMOVED] just didn’t get it at first and I think the reason for this is because the computer system was not presenting him with the correct up to date information which is somewhat worrying. [NAME REMOVED] kindly offered to refund my £99.78. Errr what? I guess I could have used the money to replace the skylight glazing with some of that self-clean [BRAND NAME REMOVED] glass I have seen advertised on telly but then my credit card would be unpaid. Exploring this with [NAME REMOVED] ( the payment, not the glazing ) he stated that I had overpaid by £99.78 and had paid £202 yesterday. No, Sir, you are wrong. I asked [NAME REMOVED] to clearly look at all the banking screens available to him as my Internet Banking was showing the payment returned. After being put on hold [NAME REMOVED] came back as noted that he could not at first see the payment returned ( I am struggling to see how a bank cannot see they have returned a payment from their own system but hey I am sure the software contract was good value ) and was now on my wavelength. He processed a payment for £102.76 and confirmed that the matter was now all sorted.
I asked [NAME REMOVED] how much the next credit card direct debit would be for and after a little bit of typing ( those keyboards sound so clunky over the telephone ) he told me it would be for approximately £98.47. I asked [NAME REMOVED] how sure he was of this and he told me he was prepared to put his job to it. Excellent – all sorted.
[NAME REMOVED] from [NAME REMOVED] branch phoned later which was a nice surprise as I thought the matter was closed to say she had followed up on my complaint. Exploring what had happened with her she stated that [NAME REMOVED] had made notes that [NAME REMOVED] had given out incorrect information. This is not true, the only incorrect information given out was by [NAME REMOVED]. [NAME REMOVED] looked at the payment to be made for next month and it was for more than the £98.47 [NAME REMOVED] had staked his jobsworth on, it was for about £200. [NAME REMOVED] suggested cancelling the direct debit, contacting me prior to the next payment to process the payment manually and then contacting card services to explain the situation and restore the direct debit as this was the only way to resolve the problem. Amazing! Finally a true solution to the problem. These two people at [NAME REMOVED] branch ([NAME REMOVED] and [NAME REMOVED] ) are a real credit to your bank and deserve immediate promotion to Bank Branch Manager level or above. The point I wish to make here is that everyone I spoke to has insisted that the manual payment has been credited and confirmed the next direct debit payment, [NAME REMOVED] even put his job on it ( sorry [NAME REMOVED] your gamble did not pay off – good luck with your next career move ) and yet the bank took more. These members of staff were not picking the figures out of the air they must have been reading them off one of your computer screens. The system is total rubbish as it then does its own thing and takes amounts that have not been advised by your staff. I was told on the telephone that it is ridiculous that your credit card system will not recognise what has happened.
Your letter states that you are a responsible lender. May I be the first to congratulate [NAME REMOVED] on their valiant efforts however you have greatly failed in that you have not resolved what is a simple matter, in a timely manner, that was caused by yourselves in the first place. How can you be responsible when 5 members of staff have given me the wrong direct debit amount to be claimed the next month. Had just one got it wrong then I could assume perhaps their mind was distracted by ‘The King’ beckoning from outside the call centre window leading to distraction being unable to think of anything else and contemplation of whether a regular or a [PRODUCT NAME REMOVED] Burger would be the better option for dinner today, but 5? No Way. Unfortunately, it is time to acknowledge that the Tandy TRS80 is no longer powerful enough to run the back office and you have to invest in a new clustered virtual server array. The failing has been your computer system, [NAME REMOVED] even put his job on it.
To quote your letter, “When you ( *intended your? ) second direct debit was returned unpaid, the facility was cancelled on the card account…” What facility? Look, to anyone prepared to look further than just the last 2 note messages on your system ( I accept you may not wish to repeat what some members of staff have called me in those notes but I am old enough to deal with it and know that the comments would only be edited if I made a Data Protection Act Disclosure request anyway so whats the point ) it is clear to see none of this is my fault and therefore the credit limit for this card needs restoring. I refute your suggestion that my expenditure is overexposed and bring you back the the topic of the inaccurate and out of date information provided by your underpowered computers.
Finally as this matter is all of your own doing I wish to be compensated for my lost time which I account for being around 3 hours now. I normally charge out £250 for half a day but to be honest if you restore my credit card limit and credit my account with £8 to cover the cost of my phone calls then I will deem the matter resolved. As I have previously pointed out I am a member of [CREDIT REFERENCE COMPANY NAME REMOVED]. I had toyed with the idea of cancelling it many times to be honest but now I am glad I did not as I must inform you that I will be checking it regularly over the next three months and should any adverse information appear on there then I will be forced to take immediate further action as I have been told several times that I will not be affected by the banks mistakes,
Yours Faithfully,
[NAME REMOVED]
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